


Struggle Home

by icestorm1196



Category: Supernatural, The Last of Us
Genre: Gen, References to Torture, doesn't have to be read that way, leaves it open for sequels though, some body horror, sort of destiel at the end, suicide ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 14:02:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3491045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icestorm1196/pseuds/icestorm1196
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cross over with The Last of Us.  Some spoilers for that game, nothing major, I believe.  You don't have to have played that game, but some knowledge of it is important.</p><p>The Winchesters and Castiel find themselves in a world not their own.  They don't know who sent them or how, and they do not know how to return.  Castiel is low on grace, and when he is bitten, he knows it's only a matter of time before he turns.  He sends Sam and Dean to safety, and disappears.</p><p>Ten years later, Ellie and Joel, a little more than a year after the events of The Last of Us, are on the road again, and they come across an infected who has managed to keep his mind.  They decide to go to the re-emerging Fireflies--a different group than the last time, in an attempt to figure out if they've finally found a cure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Struggle Home

**Author's Note:**

> I told myself I wouldn't post another SPN story until I finished my Sherlock one. Well. This one wouldn't leave me alone. It isn't totally fleshed out. There's lots of room for additions, but I needed to get this off my chest.
> 
> Not proof-read or beta'd, so tell me in the comments how badly I fucked shit up.  
> Also--sorry. Sam isn't in this much. I tried, but he didn't fit well. There's plenty of room for him in follow ups though!

There were far too many of them. The human-monsters, screaming and snapping; some of them with horrible, fungal growths, blind, but vicious all the same. He watched, time almost slowing down as the creatures converged on their little group. Sam and Dean stood back to back, weapons drawn, firing, stabbing, kicking. There were too many, thought Castiel, numbly. Far, far too many. They were going to die. 

He fought his way through the horde toward them, feeling almost as though he were in a dream. He didn’t have very much grace left, not here. His reserves had been low for a while, ever since they’d arrived. He was fairly sure that the brothers knew it too. They hadn’t asked him to fly them anywhere, not after his attempt to get them home had utterly failed. Whomever had put them here had sealed the doors behind them. 

He shoved his angel blade through the skull of one of the fungus-heads. It shrieked, once, and dropped. “Sam! Dean!” he said. “I’m sorry.” 

Dean’s eyes widened. ‘No! Man, we said we were gonna stick together.”

“I won’t let you die,” he replied, stabbing one of the more human looking ones in the neck. “I can get rid of them.” Castiel lashed out with his blade, slicing a fungus-head across the throat, as both guns fired off a rapport. "Don't you fucking dare," snapped Dean. They had to stick together. He couldn't lose Cas, not here. He wouldn't let that happen. 

Castiel drove his blade into the abdomen of another of the blind monsters (Dean called them Zombies, but they were not undead, so Castiel didn’t know if ‘zombie’ was actually an accurate term), but more were coming from every direction. 'Too many' he thought, and then something was tearing into the back of his neck. He screamed, and slammed his elbow back against the creature,whirled around, blade striking home with a sickening thud. The back of his neck was bleeding. 

He’d seen what happened to people that were bitten. He wouldn’t be safe with Sam and Dean now. They wouldn’t be safe with him. Dean was staring at him in horror as he turned around. Sam was still firing. Castiel met Dean’s eyes for one last moment. 

 

Then he lunged forward and shoved them both. The brothers vanished. His grace was screaming inside him, trying to fight the venom and carry the Winchesters away at the same time. They’d reappear several miles away, hopefully somewhere safe. There was some momentary confusion amongst the monsters, when two of their chosen prey disappeared in the blink of an eye. But they turned their focus on Castiel soon enough. He disappeared under a mound of the creatures. They bit and scratched and tore at him. Some part of him, some stubborn, oddly hopeful part, continued to fight, even though he knew his chances were not good. He could feel the infection in his blood. And yet...and yet he couldn't just give up. He called up what remaining grace he could, and slammed it out of him, a roar that almost matched his true voice tearing out of his throat.

Eight miles away, Sam and Dean Winchester, alone in the middle of a deserted highway, watched an explosion of light pulse and then fade on the horizon. Dean’s hand clenched around the handle of his pistol. “Damn,” he managed to whisper. “Goddamn it.” 

******  
Ten Years Later  
*****

Ellie stared out the window of the car. She rubbed her hand absently over her knee. She and Joel were traveling together yet again. They’d spent a year and a half at Tommy’s. It was nice there, it really was. But she couldn't settle. She couldn't help but feel that she was just...apart, from everyone else in that place. She ached, practically vibrating out of her own skin the longer they remained. Joel had spent most of the last twenty years since all this shit started _doing_ things. Just patrolling around the dam, keeping the electrics up, sniping the occasional bandit….it was boring for him too, she knew it.

She was only sixteen, but she wasn’t a child, not really. She hadn’t been a child in a long time, perhaps ever. Despite that, Joel hadn’t wanted to take her with him at first, but her case was a good one. The dam couldn’t really afford to lose any more fighters. And even if they could, most everyone in that dam had a family. “You’re all I got, old man,” she said. “And someone’s gotta keep an eye on you.” 

Tommy had laughed at that, and even Joel could concede that she had a point. She knew how to swim now, anyway, and he had to admit that the last time they’d gone on a trek together, she’d been useful.

So, today found them in an old pick up, with several extra cans of gas and food enough for a week, if they ate it slow. They were searching for other potential outposts, either for expansion or for trade. They’d heard there were a few places up north that were potential places for trade. People were wary, of course. It would be difficult to earn trust, but they hoped that a man and a girl would cause less cause for alarm than a man (or girl, Ellie insisted), by his (or her)self--too easy to be an ambush--or a group of two or more men. 

“I hear that there’re Fireflies up there,” said Ellie, eventually. “A different group than...than Marlene’s.” That betrayal still stung. The lies Marlene had told, and after everything it took to get there....Joel had told lies too, she knew that, but she didn’t know what they were. And it was easier not to worry too much about it. She’d find out eventually. Part of her really didn’t want to though. She was terrified of what she might learn if she pressed too hard. “Maybe they’ve figured something out that Marlene didn’t.”

“Doubt it,” said Joel, his voice gruff, but hesitant in the way it always was when he spoke of Marlene. Whenever Ellie brought her up, he just shut down. She tried not to bring up her old guardian very often. Joel continued; “People’ve been working on a cure for two decades now. Don’t you think they’d have found it?”

“I dunno,” she said. “There can’t be that many immunes walking around . For all we know, I’m the first, for some reason.”

He sighed. This was far from his favorite topic. Ellie knew that, could see it made him cringe, but fuck it, Joel needed to cringe every once and a while. And if there was a cure, and she was somehow the answer...he should be all over it. But it only ever made him mad. She didn’t want to fight, not so early on in their trip, but this was something that had bothered her for quite a while. She wasn’t sure it would ever stop bothering her. Not unless she got a straight answer out of Joel. Ha. Like that would ever happen.

****

 

It was bizarre, how for days nothing would happen, then, suddenly, everything happened at once.

Their truck had run out of gas, eventually, so they were scavenging, trying to siphon gas from other cars and trucks to refill their own vehicle. The truck itself was old enough to look abandoned, and they tended to dirty it up even more if they left it alone, just in case. Usually one of them would stay with it, while the other went out scavenging. They stayed within sight of the binoculars--or they tried. Currently, it was Ellie with the binoculars, watching as Joel crept around, alert for any movement that might indicate bandits or Infected. 

It was a Runner that spotted her. She had missed it--the lone, almost silent creature. She tried to keep a heady eye on everything around her, but she could only look in so many directions at once. This one had come around a corner just after she’d looked away. It was chance. The creature screamed, then ran at her, eyes wild and feral. Not human. She fired her gun. Joel was already running back, gas can sloshing at his side. He’d make a bomb of it if he had to. She paled. Oh, god, he might. 

There were at least twelve, all come rushing toward the runners scream. She had to hide. Had to get out of their line of sight. She launched herself off the hood of the truck and tore for the office building across the street. There were always places to hide in buildings like this. 

These things had impressive hearing, and a very good sense of smell. Hiding was never easy, not when they were actually after you, but the Runners relied more on sight than anything, the Clickers on their hearing. If you could get out of sight and someplace high up, you were usually okay. But damn, they were fast.

The first of them were right behind her as she careened into the building. She dashed up the stairs. Stairs wouldn’t stop them, not if they saw her come up here. The Clickers might not come up, but if they thought they were missing out on a meal….they just might make the climb. Her heart was thudding in her ears. She heard the pop! pop! of the pistol outside, then Bang! the shotgun. Joel had a whole stash of weapons he kept on him all the time. A one man army. 

She didn’t have time to think about that now. She had to fucking hide. “Fuck,” she gasped out. There was another set of stairs, but there were quite a few things piled on them to act as a barricade. She scrambled over them, sending bits of wood and metal raining down on her pursuers. A glance behind her showed that Runners, though stupid most of the time, could indeed climb barricades if their prey was still within their sights. 

She might not turn if bitten, but she could still be eaten, and this fucker looked hungry. She stumbled over a loose floorboard and lost her momentum. Oh, god, she was going to die. Then there were arms around her, a hand over her mouth and she was dragged into a tiny room she hadn’t seen before. Apparently, not of the Infected could see it either. She wanted to struggle against her captor. She could feel his hand tightening around her mouth. 

“Don’t struggle,” he whispered. “Don’t scream. They won’t find you.” 

Something about his voice did calm her. And he wasn’t holding her in...in a way that made her...remember David. Well, she remembered him a lot, but this man didn’t seem to want to hurt her like that. He held her too tightly for her to move, his hand still around her mouth, facing the door. She heard the frustrated scream of a clicker, then a shot, cutting off the sound abruptly.  
She saw a runner shamble past the door, but it didn't take any notice of her, or her savior. Or perhaps, her captor, it was hard to be sure. 

The man pulled her toward the door suddenly, then pressed them next to it. There wasn’t a door, really, nothing to close. But she’d assumed that it was dim enough, shadowy enough in here that the Runners wouldn't be able to see. She heard the odd clicking noise that some Runners started making as they made the shift to Stalkers. She shivered as the thing entered the room. There was a movement, she was yanked again, but the blade in the man’s hand slid easily out of the creature’s neck, and it died without so much as a scream. 

It was an interesting blade, she thought. She didn’t see it for long, but she hadn’t ever seen anything like it. Long and silver, and such an odd shape. Something had been wrong with the man’s hand too, but she couldn’t put a finger on what, exactly. 

“Ellie!” That was Joel. He wouldn’t be shouting unless they were all dead. She did struggle now, but Joel was already bursting into the room. His eyes widened in terror, and Ellie couldn’t help but freeze herself. She’d very rarely seen Joel scared. Only when she herself had been in mortal danger. Joel raised the gun, pointing at the other man’s head. She felt the hand around her mouth tighten slightly, but then she was released, and pushed toward Joel. 

She hurried toward him. “He saved me,” she began, but Joel interrupted.

 

“Dammit it Ellie, it’s not a he, not anymore, not really.” 

She turned around and very nearly screamed. Instead, she hesitantly reached for her own gun. The creature just looked at both of them sadly. 

It was clearly Infected. There wasn’t too much fungus on it yet, nothing covering the eyes anyway, but there were scattered growths all over his face and hands, peeking out of a battered trench coat. “What the hell?” she asked.

“Shoot me, if you want,” said the….hybrid or whatever it was. “Maybe you’ll have better luck than I did.”

Ellie’s mouth dropped open. She knew this thing could talk, it had talked to her before, but somehow, seeing actual words come out of an Infected’s mouth was disconcerting. 

Joel didn’t shoot. He too looked stunned. “Or you could try this,” he said, showing them the blade. “It might work better than a gun. I doubt it though. It doesn’t have as much power as it used to.”

“What. The. Fuck?” 

Ellie thought this a good question. The Infected shrugged, a tiny motion, but so _human_ that Ellie brought a hand to her mouth. “I don’t know,” he said. “I was bitten. Many times, really. And at first, when nothing happened, I thought….” he sighed. “But my ves...my body began changing. Slowly. Slower than most of the changes happen, I believe, but it is happening. I’ve retained my mental facilities, and I think that might be worse. I have tried killing myself,” he mused. “It hasn’t worked. Not a gun, not my blade...that would have worked before I don’t know…” he worked his mushroom spotted lips, almost like he wanted to lick them and then thought better of it. 

“Others have tried too,” he said. “Other’s like you, who see me and only see Infected. I generally lie down long enough to let them think it worked. And so they do not keep trying.” Being shot in the head, as it turned out, hurt a lot. Getting a shiv in your neck hurt too. As did shotgun pellets in your abdomen. An angel blade through your mouth. None of them though, were deadly. He supposed he wasn’t angel enough anymore to die via the blade. But he was too much something else to die other ways. 

Or it was a punishment. He’d believe that too.

“Do you have a name?” asked Ellie. Joel looked flabbergasted. Why was she talking to it? The creature just looked sad again. 

“I’ve had many names,” it said. “Though...a long time ago, I was called Cas.” 

*****

Joel did not want to travel with the infected man. “He’s like me,” said Ellie, stubbornly. “I mean, he got the physical symptoms, but his mind is fine. My blood reads as infected, but I’m okay. You travel with me.”

“That’s different,” he insisted. “You didn’t turn at all, Ellie. That….that thing still might.”

“Or he might not. Look, there’s those Fireflies, right?” she said. “We’ll go there. We’ll find them and let them figure out how to fix him, and on the way back, we’ll be able to hit more little settlements. I bet the Fireflies know where they are. It’s a great plan.”

“It’s an idiotic plan.”

“Look, he’s helpful in a fight, and he might be able to...I dunno. Ward them off with scents or something. They don’t attack their own, and he looks like them. Maybe he smells like them too.”

“Or they know he’s different, and he’ll attract them like honey does flies.”

Ellie rolled her eyes. “Look,” she said. “He’s a bit creepy looking, and it’s...fucking weird to see a near-clicker that can still speak--but for whatever reason, the growth totally bypassed his brain. It might be a way to get the rest of them their minds back. Don’t….wouldn’t that be a good thing?”

Joel’s jaw tensed. Ellie pressed her advantage. “Look, we’ll lock ourselves in the truck at night, and keep a watch. If he turns for real, we’ll know and kill him, okay? But I think we have to try.”

Cas heard every word of course, though he pretended not to. “Give me your weapon,” growled Joel. 

Cas frowned. “I think I’d rather not,” he said. “It’s mine. And if we are attacked, I will need it. I don’t have a gun, at the moment.” 

It was so weird to see emotion of any kind on a face that was half covered in fungus. 

“Give it to me, or we’ll see if burning works on you,” snapped Joel. 

Cas turned faded blue eyes to the grizzled man. “I’ve tried that,” he said. “All it does is leave burns. The...the growths...don’t really go anywhere. They don’t get smaller.”

“How did this happen?” asked Ellie, despite herself. Joel stepped forward. 

“Ellie, go get us more gas. I’ll stay and watch this...thing.”

The girl looked ready to argue, but finally, she sighed and turned away, grabbing two of the gas cans from the truck bed and heading back toward the highway of car corpses. 

Cas sat down next to the truck. “I will be able to tell when they are coming,” he said, quietly. “I don’t think my presence will prevent them from attacking you if you draw their attention. But I won’t cause them to notice us either, by being...whatever it is that I am.”

Joel shifted, looking uncomfortable that he was being addressed. He kept his gun trained at Cas’ head, and half an eye on Ellie, searching for a car to siphon the gas from.

“I wouldn’t trust me either,” continued Cas. “If you can get me somewhere that will be able to...explain what happened to me, or use it to help others….couldn’t that only be a good thing? I don’t….I never expected to have to live like this.”

“Shut up,” said Joel. He couldn’t afford sympathy for this monster. “Have you killed any humans?” he asked, after a moment. “Turned ‘em, so they’d be like you?”

The creature stared down at it’s hands fingers brushing over a small white growth. “Killed humans...yes. I have. I never...enjoyed it. Well. That’s not entirely true, but I was insane at the time. And a bit possessed. But I haven’t killed any humans...recently. I haven’t changed any either. I just..keep my head down. I stay out of the way.” He foraged what he could. Looted what was left. He did steal from the bandits, and felt bad about it most of the time, but...it wasn’t as if they were good people either. They killed other humans all the time. And sometimes ate them, which….was something that Cas could barely comprehend, though in another life, it really would have been fairly run of the mill. 

Ellie came trudging back up the hill, two gas cans weighing her down. “I don’t think we’ll get much more here,” she said. “It’s sort of dead. There’s a city up ahead though. You might be able to sneak in, Joel, and get us stuff.”

“Leave you alone with-” he began, outraged.

“I can take care of myself,” she snapped. “Fuck, Joel, stop treating me like some idiot kid. If he attacks me, I’ll kill him.”

“You can try,” sighed Cas. “I wish you more luck than I’ve had.”

“And...shut it, you,” she added, furiously. “Alright? I will kill you if I have to, but shut up talking about killing yourself. You could be vital to finding a cure, okay? If we can get their minds back, maybe we can get everything back! You don’t get to kill yourself, it’s selfish.”

She turned back to Joel. “The city’s about a mile down the road,” she said. “I saw a sign, and it looks like military’s been around. So the checkpoint’s are probably still active. Be careful.”

“When did you grow up?” demanded Joel. “You were just reading those space girl comics and laughing at dumb puns.”

“Grew up when your back was turned,” she grinned. “And don’t worry. I brought the joke book.” He sighed and shook his head.

“I want that one tied up,” he said, taking the rope out of the trunk “Got me? As much as possible. Unless we need him to fight.”

Ellie looked about to argue, but Cas just held out his hands. Joel tied him securely, and started off. They’d need more gas and more food. Taking from the military was always dangerous, but...they had the most. Better than taking from city folk anyway. It was hard enough living in the city without some...asshole like him taking your shit.

***  
"So,” said Ellie, settling in front of Cas. She had her knife in front of her, her gun loosely held in her hand. She looked relaxed, but she was ready to use both of them. “You were gonna tell me how this happened to you.”

Cas met her gaze. She wondered how his eyes would look if they were clear, instead of that weird filmy haze over them. Cataracts or something, it looked like. Probably just a symptom though. Stalkers didn’t see well, and clickers didn’t see at all. Runners could, but...she sometimes wondered just how much they actually saw, and how much was just shapes and color. Maybe she could ask this one later.

“Was I?” he asked. 

“Yep,” she said, confidently. He seemed to consider this for a long moment. She could almost see him decide that yes, he did want to talk to someone. 

“I...I had some friends,” he said. “We...we found ourselves rather in the middle of...all of this when we weren’t expecting it.”

“How do you mean?” she asked, curious. “You look younger than Joel. You would’ve been kids, right? When all this started?”

Cas sighed. “It is complicated. Suffice to say...we got caught in an unexpected situation. We were used to fighting, but….these odds were...astronomical. I usually have more fortitude, but ever since coming here, I’ve been...losing strength.” He could see that she wanted to ask another question, so he continued on. “There was a horde of them. Runners and clickers, there were scores of them. We couldn’t…” he ran his tongue over his teeth and continued. “I got them out,” he said. “But I got bit. So I didn’t go with them, I...I guess they figured I was dead. I thought I was dead too, I still don’t know how I got the strength to kill the rest of them. And for a long time, years even, I was okay. I didn’t show any signs...but my eyesight was getting worse. I figured...it’s part of humanity, when humans reach a certain age, sometimes their eyesight goes, but...my skin started...getting dry. Dry and flaky and I realized….something’s wrong. The growths started in about the fifth year after...after I was bitten. Slower than I think it happens to most. But I was never affected in the other ways. I never got aggressive, I didn’t get violent. I don’t feel the need to pass on the spores.” He stopped for a moment. “It was happening in ants, you know,” he said. 

“What?”

“The virus,” he answered. “This plant-parasite. It would affect these ants, and some of them got really aggressive and attacked other ants, before crawling to the top of their hill and dying. The plant would grow inside them, and when it burst free, it released spores that infected the other ants too, and the parasite managed to spread its seed and the ants all died. But...there must have been a few ants that the parasite couldn’t...make aggressive. It couldn’t control their mind. After the ant died, it still would’ve grown the plant and had the spores, but...it likely wouldn’t affect the rest of the colony.” He looked at her again, pleading. “I don’t know what will happen when I die. If I can. If the Fireflies up north can figure out…” he swallowed. “It’s worth the chance.”

He had a feeling they wouldn’t find much. He was an angel, that was why, he was sure, his mind was unaffected, but his body wasn’t. Jimmy had been human, and as such, the vessel was corrupted. Castiel the angel though….was unaffected by the virus.

This world didn’t have angels though. It wasn’t even like Zachariah’s alternate future when the angels just left. There just….weren’t any. His grace had been weak since he arrived, but it was somewhere. He knew that. It wasn’t gone, it was just...very, very weak. And he’d felt it half ripped out of him when they’d arrived. Some had remained with him, but the rest had been scattered. He imagined the effort of keeping himself, Dean, and Sam all in one piece had rather exhausted it. But now...ten years later, he feared that what little grace he did have was running out. It was keeping him whole for now, but when it ran out….he feared he’d be little more than a monster.

Ellie wasn’t at all sure what to make of Cas’ story. There was lots of it that didn’t make sense, but he didn’t seem to be lying. Not much, anyway. She was really good at telling when people weren’t being truthful, even if putting her finger on _what_ they were lying about was trickier.

Cas seemed lost in his thoughts, and she couldn’t get another word out of him the rest of the night. She made him get in the truck bed, and tied him down. He let her do it--more proof he wasn’t some crazy monster, she thought, and crawled into the back seat of the truck to sleep a bit. She was on high alert, of course, and didn’t do more than doze. She thought Joel might kill her if she actually fell asleep with an infected so close.

***  
Joel didn’t arrive back until it was nearly dark the next day. He had a cut over one eye, and his had a gash on his side that bleed through his shirt, but he had a whole sack of food and another tank of gas. Ellie fixed him up as best she could--field medicine was something everyone learned real early. Cas just watched. Joel wondered if the infected were drawn to blood.

“We aren’t vampires,” said Castiel, as if he was reading his mind. Joel jumped, making Ellie swear as she almost stabbed him with the needle. “The sight or smell of blood won’t make me hungry for human flesh,” he said, calmly, in a tone he clearly thought was reassuring. “That’s vampires.”

Joel muttered something about the world being insane, but didn’t look over at the infected man again. It was his turn to sleep in the backseat, as Ellie drove. Cas lay in the bed of the truck, silent and unmoving, tied securely once again. He had a feeling that he’d be getting very used to the ropes around his wrists.

****  
Everything had gone rather smoothly over the course of the week. There’d been one incident with a Clicker, but Cas had proved himself useful in walking, silently (and how the fuck did he move so quiet? wondered Ellie), and stabbing it in the skull with that blade of his, never even untying his hands. He’d warned them that there were a few more infected around, three clickers, from what he could tell, and that they’d have to be very quiet if they wanted to scavenge anything from the abandoned Bandit hideout. 

Later, Ellie wondered what had happened to the people that had been in the hideout. “I imagine that Clicker was one of them,” said Cas. “It had a similar shirt to a few of the skeletons. The military came through here, wiped out most of the infected. They didn’t loot anything though, which leads me to believe that they were on their way to something more interesting.”

The ‘something more interesting,’ became more apparent not ten miles down the road. The stench hit them first. Cas seemed most affected, though that might have been because he was outside. What they saw was nothing less than a massacre. There was a military vehicle, but what drew their eyes were the bodies. No less than ten piles of them, dozens of bodies in each pile. There were infected and human alike. Joel put on his gas mask. Cas didn’t mention that if there’d been spores, he’d already be infected. Cas saw what looked like military people mixed in with bandits, or possibly just civilians (was anyone a civilian anymore?), all mixed in with Clickers and...Father, was that a Bloater? He closed his eyes. Joel didn’t stop to see if there was anything of use in the military vehicle. The bodies were only a few days old, but there was no way only one military group had been here. The rest wouldn’t have left anything important in the truck.

****  
The day the infected man proved his immortality was also the day Joel began to trust him. The infected was just standing by the truck, when it stiffened. “Someone’s-” he began, then stopped abruptly as a shot rang out and he slumped to the ground, a neat bullet hole straight into his forehead. 

A man came striding into their campsite, gun at his side. “You’re welcome,” he said. 

“What the hell?” demanded Joel.

“Uh, I saved your life?” said the man. “Gratitude would be nice.” 

Ellie came tearing around the back of the building. She’d been trying to find anything that might be useful, but had come running when she heard the shot. The man stared at her, making no attempt to hide his hunger.

“How about you share that tail and I’ll consider it a thanks,” he asked. 

Ellie snorted. “Good luck,” she said. “What…” she froze, seeing Cas. “What did you do?” she demanded. “We needed him. And are you a fucking idiot? Shooting like that? What if some of them heard?” Whole groups of them would be attracted to a single gunshot. 

Joel was already looking around. He didn’t see the man grab Ellie’s wrist. She jerked away, snatching her knife out of her back pocket and slicing at him. “You little bitch,” he seethed. He twisted her arm, coming around behind her, aiming his gun at Joel. Then he smiled, and aimed it at Ellie. “I’m taking the girl,” he said. “Don’t you fucking shoot me, or--” he made a sick sort of _snck_ noise and his tongue protruded sharply from his mouth. 

No, realized Joel. Not his tongue. Cas stood behind him, and carefully, calmly, pulled what it had...what _he_ had called an angel blade out of the man’s skull. “There are some infected coming,” he said, wiping his blade on the dead man’s jeans. “We should go. They’ll be here shortly.”  
**********************  
They pulled the truck to a stop half a mile from the Firefly’s base. Joel went to announce their visit, and to explain their situation. The Canadian branch seemed to be on better terms with the military. At least...they weren’t subtle in their location. And they seemed entrenched here, not like they were moving around all the time.

No less than twenty of them arrived, armed to the teeth and clad in body arm, to take Cas in. Ellie thought this was overkill, but Cas just seemed to accept it, like he had everything so far.  
They also had on gas masks. Apparently, even though Joel had been in Cas’ company for over a month now, crisscrossing the nearly impassable roads to find them, they weren’t convinced that the man’s very breath wasn’t infected. 

They also kept a very close watch on Ellie and Joel. Joel seemed to have told them who they were, and they had seen photos of Ellie. They might not have been Marlene’s Fireflies, but regardless, she’d shared her intel of the immune. 

Cas was fairly certain they were taking him to their leader. Dean would have gotten a kick out of that. ‘Take me to your leader.’ He almost said it, just to imagine the look on Dean’s face. He swallowed, kept his head down. He didn’t want to think about Dean too much. His imagination always got the better of him, and he started imagining the man dead, or infected.  
He was led into a small room with a desk, and a few photos Cas didn’t look at very carefully. “Holy shit,” breathed a voice that...was achingly familiar. A voice that featured heavily in his dreams. His nightmares. He raised his head, and his milky eyes met the wide, green stare of Dean Winchester.

Dean was thinner than he’d been, with silver in his hair, and an ugly scar running from his right temple clear to his jaw, just barely missing his eye. His nose had been broken a time or two in the decade since Cas had seen him. He would bet that there was a whole slew of scars under Dean’s shirts. The once-hunter, now apparent leader of the Fireflies was staring at him in disbelief. There was some horror and disgust there too, if Cas wasn’t imagining it. He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. The one good thing had been that Dean had never had to see him like this. Dean could remember him as he had been, not like...not this.

“Cas?” Dean’s voice was small, shaky. “That you in there?”

“Sort of,” he said, just as quietly. The guards with him jumped a little. Sure the infected man hadn’t attacked anyone, had just followed instruction, but this was the first time they’d heard it speak. “So much as you can call it that.”

“Hey,” said Dean, a bit stronger this time. “Open your eyes man.” He did so, though he couldn’t really bring himself to meet the human’s eyes. “You okay?”

“Do I look okay?” he retorted. Honestly. Such a stupid question. He expected better from Dean. 

“We’ve...we’ve got some real smart people here,” said Dean, slowly. “I...look, I trust you, I do, but no one else...anyone else will just see you as infected and kill you.”

“They can try,” replied the once-angel. “They are welcome to try. Even the angel blade doesn’t work. I don’t know...if I just keep coming back…” he sighed. “I imagine my grace is still here. It must keep me going, but...it cannot...fix me entirely.” 

Dean decided not to think about the implications of Cas’s statement. “Look, we’ll just keep you secure, okay? We are gonna try and figure out if you or that Ellie chick can...help.”

“I think it’s my grace,” Cas replied. “My vessel has obviously been compromised. The only reason I haven’t is because it isn’t really my brain. I’m not….this.” He gestured as best he could.

“Cas,” Dean sighed. ‘Castiel,”

“No,” was the immediate retort. “Not that anymore. I’m not an angel anymore Dean, and I don’t deserve my father’s name attached to my own.” 

“That’s bullshit,” Dean said. “Cas, really. This isn’t your fault.”

“I think it must be,” he replied. “I’m not very good at being an angel. I wasn’t good at being a human either, however briefly I was one.”

The guards in the room looked lost mostly. Dean didn’t send them away. It hardly mattered if people knew what Cas was.

“Where’s Sam?” he asked.

Dean sighed. “He’s at one of the settlements,” he said. “We take turns, going to the nearby ones to get recruits and to train the people there, even if they don’t want to join us.”

He hesitated, then reached out to clasp his friend’s shoulder, before dropping his hand. “I’ll go get him, alright? It’ll take a bit, but I’ll get him and we’ll solve this, okay? I promise. We aren’t gonna let you go this time, Cas.” He swallowed. “We went back for you,” he said, quietly. “After you smited all those infected. We could see the light show from where we were. We went back and we searched for you. For your body. I...we assumed you’d been exploded or something, man. I am so sorry, Cas.”

“This isn’t your fault,” he said, immediately, turning that cloudy gaze back to Dean. “Dean, I was distracted, I got bit. We already knew that it was the bite that caused...infection. We had no reason to believe I wouldn’t die and...and I had no idea where I sent you. I woke up sometime later and...some ways away. I still don’t know how I got there. And I haven’t managed an outpouring of grace like that since then. I’ve had to smite them the hard way.” He looked away again.

Dean wanted to comfort his friend. But...things were different now. He was the leader of these Fireflies, had found himself that way by accident, but there was little to be done about it. As leader, he had to make decisions and he had to be smart. Hugging an infected, no matter who it was, was not smart. “Take him to medical,” he instructed. “I’ll come by a bit later,” he added. “Restrain him, but don’t hurt him. He could be the key to solving all this.”

*********  
Dean did come by later. Castiel was strapped to the bed (and Dean would still think of his friend as an angel, if only in his head, no matter what he said to the contrary. “I’m gonna leave in the morning to get Sam, okay?” he said. “We aren’t gonna come back straight away. There’s rumors...anyway. There’s some things we have to check out, and we have to make sure things are supplied at some of the outposts. We’ll be back soon though, and we’ll send messages. Letters and shit, okay? The doctors and scientists here are gonna need to take blood and shit and maybe some of the corty-things, okay? The mushrooms, whatever they’re called.”

Dean was babbling. Cas didn’t really like it when Dean started babbling. It meant that shit was about to go down. 

“If it’ll help, they can take what they need,” he said. “I don’t think they’ll be able to help others though.”

“Well, they’ll do some tests on the girl too,” said Dean. “She’s agreed, though that guy you guys came here with seemed fucking pissed about that. But we’re gonna see what we can do. Maybe some combo of the two of you really will help us find a cure.” He stood. “Hard to believe this isn’t really our world, huh?” he asked, quietly. 

“Our world has it’s own problems,” replied Cas. “I fear….I fear this is my punishment, Dean. For all I’ve done wrong. You and Sam...I am sorry that you were dragged into it too. I never meant for…” he closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

He felt a gloved hand touch his wrist. Dean had put on surgical gloves just for this, apparently. Cas wondered if it was too keep up appearances, or if he thought the infection might spread if he touched bare skin. “It’s not your fault,” Dean said. “It’s whatever asshat that sent us here and forgot about us. This isn’t about you, man, alright? It’s not punishment or penance or whatever you want to call it. We will figure this out, and we won’t let you die Infected, okay?”

He nodded slowly, and opened his eyes again. Just to see Dean’s face one last time before the man left. “Good luck,” he said. “I look forward to your letters.”  
****

Dean felt like an ass, leaving Cas like that. But the angel was his best friend, and he’d be damned if he didn’t try to help him. Even if it meant leaving him. The doctors here would at least try to figure out why he hadn’t succumbed, though Dean thought Cas was probably right about it being the fact that the Infected body wasn’t actually Castiel. 

But there were rumors. He and Sam could check them out. The tree, that people said was a safe haven. You could sleep under that tree all night and no one would touch you. No bandit, no soldier, no Infected. No one ever stayed long, no matter how safe it was, but they still told stories about it. A beautiful Chestnut tree, in a region that had never had a chestnut. Eating the nuts from the tree were also said to cure headaches and stomach aches and the leaves mashed into a paste soothed cuts even better than neosporin.

Dean didn’t know if he believed these rumors, or if they were like the paradises people always invented in times of upheaval like this. Stories of miracles to keep them from getting too depressed. But, if Cas was right, and his grace was here somehow, being stored somewhere...then this tree seemed like a good place to start.

*****  
Two Months Later  
*****  
Joel was royally pissed off. He’d managed to get a communication to Tommy, but they hadn’t managed to leave yet. Ellie refused to go until they figured out something of note anyway. Joel didn’t really trust these Fireflies. Ellie suspected it had something to do with the last time they’d run into the rebel group, even though it was under different leadership. The doctors weren’t being unkind to her though, weren't treating her like nothing more than experiment. They explained every single test, both before and after. They told her what they were doing, what they were looking for, the results that they did manage to obtain. 

They didn't let her or Joel see Cas. She didn’t like that much. It was troubling, in fact. They only ever told her that ‘the Infected is cooperating,’ but ‘ultimately, unhelpful’ and also, it was ‘none of her business.’ She heartily (and loudly) disagreed with that. It didn’t matter. They held her in a different area, she wasn’t really sure where Cas even was.

She finally managed to convince her doctors that she was not a threat. She followed their instructions to the letter not questioning a single order, for weeks. They stopped watching her quite so carefully. It was enough that she knew she could sneak away for a bit.  
Ellie crept silently around her ward in the medical ward. She needed to find something, anything, that might give her a clue to where Cas was. Offices would be a good place to start. 

She was grateful for her time with Joel. He’d taught her so much about sneaking around places like this. And it didn’t hurt that she was small enough to go unnoticed. Thank god she wasn’t forced to be in the scrubs all the time. It meant that even if she was caught, she might be able to pass herself off as someone that was _supposed_ to be there. 

The office door was locked, but she always had a hair pin or two on her to keep her bangs in check. The door opened with a soft click. 

Ten minutes later, she held a file in her hand. The contents made her feel sort of sick. There were photos and xrays, and a few documents that didn’t make a ton of sense to someone with no medical background. But she had Cas’ location. There was a thud, and she dove under the desk, heart in her mouth. 

Suddenly, there was a light in her face, and it took everything in her not to scream. “You aren’t supposed to be here,” said a gruff voice that she only barely recognized. She squinted up into the light. 

“Dean?” 

“Yeah. You’re that immune chick, right?”

“Yeah,” she agreed. “I...is this your office?”

“No. I’m no doctor,” he said. “This is the medical ward. I saw that the door was a little ajar though, and no light was on. It was weird.” She winced. Damn. She thought she was being so careful too. “So, how are you and Cas doing?” he asked. “Did he get my letters? I mean, I never got word that any messengers died or anything, but it can be hard to tell.”

She pulled herself out from under the desk. “You didn’t know?” she asked. “I...they never let me see him. That’s why I was here. I was trying to find out….where the fuck he was. Dean...the shit they’re doing to him...I don’t care that he’s infected, it’s inhumane.” 

Dean’s face changed slightly. He didn’t touch the file, just strode out of the room, his jaw set hard, his eyes steely. Ellie followed him nervously, but she couldn’t just...not go along. No one stopped them. Dean burst into the wing where Cas was being kept. It was worse seeing him in real life. 

Cas was strapped to the bed, naked, the blade he’d owned sitting next to him, on the little table that was covered in instruments. The fungus had grown over more of his face, almost entirely obscuring one eye, and creeping further down his cheek and jawline. There were growths on his chest too, a few on his hands, one or two on his torso. There were x-rays everywhere, of the growths inside his body. They seemed to be sprouting off the bones. There was an image, a gruesome color photo of his ribs. Of the bones of his ribs, a few little black specks that looked like they might grow larger and burst through his skin eventually. There were pictures of his head, of how the doctors had cut open his head to see what they could see inside of it. If Cas could be killed, surely he’d have died many times over at their hands. Ellie had seen this in the file of course, but...it hadn’t seemed real. 

“Jesus,” breathed Dean. “Jesus, Cas.” The door banged open, and a few bedraggled looking men and women hurried in. “You’re his medical team?” demanded Dean. “It was you?”

The older man in the group glanced back and nodded. “We think we’ve come close to determining…”

“I told you to take care of him,” snapped Dean. “This….this is torture. This is not….” he looked disgusted. “I’ll deal with you later,” he snapped. He turned back to Cas. “Hey. Hey, Cas.” The Infected man opened his eyes. Ellie wondered if he could even see anything at all anymore, his eyes were so clouded over. “There you are.” Cas made a pained sounding noise. “I took forever, I know. But look. I found you something. It’s why we took so long.” He pulled a small glass bottle out of his pocket. Ellie stared at it. The thing glowed and moved and shifted….it didn’t look natural. “I found it.” 

Dean uncorked the bottle and held it to Cas’ face, lifting the Infected’s head a bit to make him drink. For a minute, nothing happened. Then, suddenly, Ellie was squinting in the immense light. The room felt heavy somehow. She managed, eventually, to steal a glance at Cas. He didn’t look sick anymore. He looked….downright scary. He glowed, golden and white, his eyes burning an electric blue. He was standing now, and fury rolled off him in waves. She wasn’t sure how she could feel it, but she absolutely could. Right now, that fury was directed at the men and women cowering in the corner. 

“You,” he growled. “You cut me to pieces. Over and over.” His voice...it was terrible. It didn’t even sound angry, but that was what was so horrible. And it was _loud_. She had to cover her ears, and she could still hear it. “You tortured me for weeks. And for what?” He raised a hand, and the five people by the door collapsed to their knees, fighting for breath. Cas walked forward.

“Cas,” Dean said, quietly. The glowing man turned his gaze to Dean, and though the man’s mouth continued to move, no sound came out of it. Cas turned his gaze back to the doctors.

“If I were like my brothers, I’d show you how it feels,” he said. They were turning blue. Ellie felt a little sick, but mostly...mostly, it felt justified. “I’m not them.” He twisted his wrist. All five necks snapped at once. Now Ellie was sick. That had just been...brutal. She wiped her mouth on her wrist, hoping that he...it? didn’t turn his wrath on her. He strode out of the hospital room. There were scientists now, to punish. Dean ran after him.

His voice seemed to be working again. There were people in the hall now, roused by the lights, but the furious rolling thunder of Cas’ voice. “Castiel!” Dean shouted. And...Ellie could see how ‘Castiel’ fit this creature better than ‘Cas.’ This wasn’t the mild mannered Infected that had saved her life. This was a creature on the warpath.

“Stay out of this Dean,” snarled Castiel. “These people killed me. Over and over. And when they didn’t kill me, they took great pleasure in causing me pain. They tried new ways every day. And it wasn’t all in the name of trying to get rid of the virus. They _enjoyed_ it. They peeled back my skin layer by layer. They cut into me with my own blade, they smashed my bones with whatever they could find, set me on fire, drowned me...they cut out my organs just to see if it would kill me. I _owe_ them a death. It will be cleaner than what they gave me.”

 

“Castiel...Cas,” he begged. “You are better than them. We can come up with a punishment together, you and me, okay? And Sam. He helped find your grace.” Castiel shivered slightly. It seemed an odd motion for him. 

“It’s not all mine,” he said, at last. “It’s so angry.” His eyes brightened slightly. “Don’t stand in my way, Dean.” He turned, and started off again, sweeping people out of his path with gestures of his palm. 

Ellie felt her heart leap into her throat as Dean lunged at Castiel and grabbed his shoulder. Somehow, it was enough to stop the other man, though Ellie couldn’t imagine that Cas couldn’t just throw him off as easily as he had the others. “Cas,” said Dean, softly. “Come on. You’re an angel again. Don’t...keep killing people. Even if they deserve it. We’ll have a trial and...it’ll be a fair one. They’ll get justice, Cas.”

“There’s no hell here,” he seethed.

“There might be,” said Dean. “Or hell might be one of those places that transcends dimension. They might find their way there.”

“I know more of Hell than you.”

“Of course,” he said, quickly. It didn’t sound patronizing. _He’s good at this_ thought Ellie. “But...Cas. We can be together again. You, me, Sammy. Come on. Let’s get you to a mirror. Not a mushroom on you, man. You’re back. You can be _you_ again, anyway you like.” 

Castiel seemed to waver. Dean pressed his advantage. “I have missed you man.. We have a lot to catch up on, yeah? Lets get you...cleaned up. And into some clothes, okay? We absolutely will take care of anyone else that hurt you in the morning.” 

Castiel seemed to notice, for the first time, that Dean was squinting, that he practically had his eyes closed. He dimmed, until he looked for all the world like a normal man again. Then he whirled, hand up and six guns twirled toward him.

“Don’t shoot!” yelled Dean. “Goddam it are you all fucking idiots? Don’t fucking shoot!” He grabbed Castiel’s arm, and pulled it down. Castiel let him. Ellie could see that. Cas was clearly….much more than human. He didn’t have to let Dean move him around, but he did. “Anyone that hurt you,” the man whispered. “Okay? Anyone that hurt you will get what they deserve.” 

Castiel seemed to wilt a little, his knees buckling. Dean caught him around the waist,looped one of Cas’ arms around his neck. “Let’s go, buddy,” he said. 

A man, huger than any Ellie had ever seen thundered by her toward Dean and Castiel. “Way to be late to the party Sammy,” muttered Dean. “Help me out here, would you?” Sam, this must be the famous brother, Ellie decided, came to Cas’ other side. The two brothers managed to walk Cas out of the wing. Apparently, Dean wasn’t about to put Cas back in that same room he’d just left. 

Sam returned a few minutes later to try to calm everyone down and send them back to bed. Ellie was shocked at how everyone listened. Cas was an old friend, apparently. There was not a viable cure for the Infection as of yet, but they’d keep trying. Cas was definitely special and he’d help. No one was gonna get hurt tonight, so everyone should go back to bed and there’d be more explanations over breakfast tomorrow. Also, there’d be coffee, but only if people left now. Everyone did. Sam hurried away, back the direction he’d come. Ellie went to find Joel. He was family. This felt like the sort of time to be with the people you loved.

***

Dean propped Castiel up in front of the floor length mirror in his room. “See?” he said. “You’re better. That tree won’t provide comfort anymore probably, but I figured...better for you to have what’s yours.”

Cas still looked a bit vacant, which concerned Dean quite a bit. Finally though, he nodded. Dean sat him on the bed, and handed him a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. Castiel slowly put them on. “You doing okay?” asked Dean, carefully. “Is is...hard? Having the grace again?”

Castiel nodded. It was different. But he felt closer to himself again now. It wasn’t just grace running through him again, it was more his now. He was in control of it, instead of the other way around. “I was...very close,” he said finally, his voice hoarse, deeper than Dean remembered it. Though that might be because his ears were still ringing a bit. “It wouldn’t have taken much longer for me to…” he swallowed. “I still want them dead. I think...it’s a mix. Between the grace and the infection. The anger. The….”

“You are allowed to be all full of righteous fury too,” said Dean. “Those guys are all super fucked. I told them to treat you right, and...they didn’t even treat you like a lab rat.”

Castiel looked away. “I should have better control.”

“Your control is great,” insisted Dean. “You killed those people, yeah, but...you could’ve made it hurt a lot worse. Zachariah would’ve given them stomach cancer or some shit, right? Even all hopped up on the last of the infection and brand new grace after ten years of nothing...you still didn’t torture them. That’s more than what I could do.”

Castiel looked sadly at Dean, lifted a hand, and dropped it. Dean set his own hand on top of Castiel’s after a moment’s hesitation. “You are free,” he said, quietly. “You can touch again. Anyone. You can probably even heal.” Castiel touched the scar on Dean’s face. “You don’t have to heal that though,” grinned Dean. “It’s sort of rakish, yeah? Adds to my good looks.”

“It shows you are a survivor,” murmured Castiel. “It shows you are brave.” 

“You say the sweetest things,” grinned Dean. For all the insanity the past hour had put him through...he was happy. He had his family together again. They were in a world that wasn’t theirs, they were all a bit broken and scared...but they were together again. And Dean wasn’t going to let any of them go. He squeezed Cas’ hand. “I’m glad you’re back,” he said. “Welcome home buddy.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if it sucked. 
> 
> Anyway, like I said, this world, this story, is far from complete. I have ideas to pad it out. The letters from Dean to Cas, for instance. The story of how they found themselves in this world at all, vignettes from the ten years they were apart, stories from the time Joel, Ellie, and Castiel were on the road together, actual looks at the torture Cas suffered at the hands of the Fireflies, a peek into their lives after the events of the story...like I said, lots of room for additions.
> 
> Sorry if the story seems rushed. It is. I know it is. I mostly just needed to get it out. It's not my best work, I know. Leave me suggestions or comments and I'll fix stuff that needs fixing!
> 
> Also--I usually hate it when 'Cas' is used when someone isn't saying his name. But here....he doesn't feel he deserves to be an angel, so either Ellie (who only knows him as 'Cas' and wouldn't think of him as anything else) is thinking of him, or he is, and neither of them would use 'Castiel' in their thoughts. So I didn't use it until he starts being more angel-like again. At least...I didn't use it much.


End file.
